Day 11 of the hospital stay.....

These pictures weren't taken today, they were back on Saturday night when Jiles got taken off the oxygen...they took out his feeding tube also and we had a baby free of any "hook-ups". He looks almost like a different baby to me not having all the stuff attached to his tiny little face. That was a good day...just getting him to breathe on his own without the help of anything and eating everything by mouth. Today we have taken a little turn, his feeding tube was put back in because over the last 4 days he has lost 2 ounces in body weight because the little bugger just can't eat as many calories as he needs to in order to gain weight. He just doesn't have the stamina it takes. He gets too tired out after about 15 minutes of bottle feeding and it becomes a forced issue and he is working to hard, therefore, losing weight. It has been a hard day for me. I have cried alot and wondered why this is happening. The doctor said yesterday that he might be able to come home today...no such luck. I feel like I am missing out on such precious days of my newborns life having him spend so much time in the hospital - I know that it isn't alot of time in the grand scheme of things - it still is rediculously hard though.

I can only hope and pray that he can figure things out soon. My kids have been amazing through all of this. Not complaining and helping out where possible. If they are being naughty while we are at the hospital no one is telling me - so that is nice. They just all want Jiles to come home as soon as possible. Drew, Jensen and Ella haven't even met their baby brother yet.

Still feel like I am living in a bit of a dream.....

Is this really happening??.....

Wow!! Baby J is a week old now and I feel like I am living someone elses life. The out-of-body feelings I have are unbelievable...I wake up each morning, roll over and realize that I am no longer pregnant and that my baby is in not at home with me. J.D. and I keep looking and each other saying "is this really happening??" I truly feel like I should be waking up from a bad dream. Granted, it could be alot worse, he is doing well, making improvements each day and I know that it is only a matter of time and he will be home with us. I just feel a little cheated on the last month of my pregnancy. I love being pregnant!! Sounds crazy I know, but I do. I feel like I have been robbed of precious time. It is hard to explain. There is an emptiness.
This was taken last night right before I fed him and put him to bed. Look at those eyes, aren't they amazing!! He was starving and going to town on the binky. I am a binky lover for sure, and right now it seems that he might be too. We try to spend as much time in the hospital with him as we can. They have him on a 3 hour schedule for eating, changing bums, taking temperature and checking him out. So every time we can be there to give him his care we are. It is making for late nights for our other kids, starting at 9:00p.m. and finishing by 10:00p.m. and then heading home....our kids are handling it well, Morgan and Brenna are amazing help. We couldn't do it without them holding the fort down.
I try to go up in the morning when I can and we always make the noon feeding together. The afternoons are hard because I do feel like I need to be home to take some care of the others. Ella is I think effected the most because she is shuffled around during the day. Not that she doesn't love playing with cousins and friends and being "babysat" - I can just tell that she is wiped out at the end of the day and a little grouchy. It has just been her and I for so long, so I am missing those moments too.....
I feel blessed that Jiles is doing so well, that J.D. has a job that allows him to spend so much time with me. He has been my rock. I could not ask for a better husband and father to my kids. I am so thankful to my sisters for all their help during this time - I will be sure to make it worth your while some how.
I am just anxious to get back to a normal (is that possible) life!!!....

Our new boy...Jiles

Our baby, Jiles Dunn, decided to come about 5 weeks early on Friday, April 17, 2009. He weighed 5 pounds 11 ounces and is 19 inches long...my smallest baby. He immediately had some troubles breathing, his lungs just weren't ready, being so early he had to be life flighted to another hospital on Friday just hours after he was born. The feelings of emptiness and guilt were and are overwhelming. It was not the way it was supposed to happen...May 12th, being induced, planned, shaved legs and a shower. Most of all those plans included bringing a healthy baby home with me from the hospital. The emotions have been all over the place. It has truly been a weekend to remember, lots of moments of uncontrollable tears, but also moments of extreme gratefulness for all of the blessings I have. These are pictures of him in the NICU. I haven't even gotten to hold my boy yet. My kids haven't even gotten to see him yet. He is still hooked up to too many wires and is breathing way too fast. He is just trying to figure things out. The doctors and nurses say it is all up to him, they are doing all they can for him, now it is just a waiting game. Frustrating for J.D. and I, we just want our baby to come home. I am sure there will be good days and bad days ahead, we are just trying to remember that we are truly blessed. Thanks to all of you who are praying for us and our family....I will keep on posting.